November 15th 2011

I woke up today, and the first thing I did was get on my bike on the hunt for some flowers. It was a shame though, no-where close enough had roses at this time of morning. I still got her flowers though.

Today was worse though, she seemed a lot less… there? I don’t even know how to describe it. I sat with her though. Held her hand… it was the best I could do really. I also told my boyfriend I needed him. Over the past few days I have more so, been hinting, or saying something hoping he would read between the lines type thing (I’m not one to actually admit I need help, when it comes to emotions).

November 16th 2011

I feel like I almost jinxed myself, by finally admitting I needed help. Six days ago my mum was given 2, to 3 months. We had hopes of christmas day put into our head. One last christmas. Not a chance. Three days. Three measly fucking days*. My father cried in my arms. 

I informed who I believed deserved the right to know, (Hypocritical of me actually, denying them the right to post anything related to my mum on Facebook, here I am thinking no-one reads this on a public blog) I don’t know why I felt I had to do it, but if anything it just made me accept everything a lot easier.

But now, after a day of tears, but also a lot of smiles (Reminiscing, that sort of thing) every person has left, bar my boyfriend, and I have chilled out, had a smoke and now I will end my night hopefully falling asleep to a funny movie.

*After re-reading this, I had to stop myself because I know at the same time, I must be thankful, and be happy that I at least have that. Keep positive Tia. Keep positive.