I came so close, and I had no idea why.
It’s been a long time, since I cause myself  harm. But there was something in me last night, I couldn’t tell you what it was though.
I sat alone, pondering in what was going on. I didn’t cry – in that moment I didn’t really know how. I started to feel the heat get to me – even though it was early evening, in the middle of winter. I pulled up my sleeves, and sat with my head in my hands.
Why. What is even happening?
I looked at the blade in my hand, and toyed around with it on my forearm. Would it come to this again?

Downstairs I heard a voice.

No, it wasn’t going to come to this again. Downstairs, there was a boy. A boy I love, who also loves me. He would hate to see me cause pain like that to myself – and he might doubt that he can make me happy.
But he can make me happy. He always makes me happy.
Then I thought about mum and dad.
Mum is sick, and I can almost guarantee, she probably never sat with a blade against her arm – wondering if she should end all the pain now, So that she doesn’t have to suffer later. No, she is stronger than that. I am stronger than that.
Dad, I can’t do that to dad. He watches the love of his life helplessly every day. And there will come a day, she won’t be there. I can’t abandon him now, he wouldn’t do that to me. Because he is stronger than that. I am stronger than that.